A funny piece of writing. Don’t try this at home.

This is a review of the sugar free version of Haribo Gummy Bears.


“Oh man…words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear “Cleanse”. If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavours like the sugar variety…I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd. The sounds. Like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell… The stench. Like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay In one room for fear of succumbing to my own odours.

But wait; there‘s more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond) as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.


I felt violated when it was over. Which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding In 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her. and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was sceptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can’t imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder. or if they should Just Jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don’t post a video review during the aftershocks.”

I got the above from this link. Should I have felt sympathy before laughing? It is such a vivid description my sympathy came later.

Note to self: don’t eat those bears!

Thank You Note template for that personal touch and extra sincerity

I saw this on the internet and liked it.

I could not find this wonderful template so did one myself. Copy, paste and enjoy.

I thought it might be good to add some more options to make it more versatile. Hope you like them.

Now to find someone I can use it on.

Thank you very much for the _______. It is a great addition to our/my _________. We/I  use it all the time for _________. Last week we/I used it to ________. Our/My favourite thing about _______ is _________. l can’t remember what life was like before _______. Of all our/my ________ gifts, _______ is our/my favourite. We hope you enjoyed the wedding/birthday party/leaving party as much as we/I enjoyed having you. I particularly enjoyed my conversation with _________ about ________. Well, we/I look forward to seeing you soon.

Best Regards